To the Girl With Daddy Issues

There aren’t words that are big enough to describe the hole that’s left behind when a father isn’t there to love his daughter the way she deserves.

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But you are not alone.

I know the black hole you try to cover up with makeup, you try to fill with food, you try to forget with boys who see you only as a body. 

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I know the way you long for someone to look at you like you’re their whole world. 

You know it exists, because you’ve seen it before. 

Perhaps after your high school play, when you saw the girls who got flowers from their fathers. 

Perhaps it was on your prom day, when your friends told you how protective their daddy’s got when meeting their date.

Maybe it was simply an afternoon at lunch with your coworker, watching his eyes fill with tears as he told you about his daughter. 

You saw the way those men loved their daughters like it was their purpose in life. Because it was.

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But your dad wasn’t at your play. He never met your date. And he never told his coworkers about you.

So instead you watched your life begin to veer off course from your friends. 

You struggled keeping a job, because you didn’t feel like you deserved to be provided for, even if the person providing for you was yourself.

You struggled with your body, because the things he said about your mother’s body echoed in your mind. You knew you could use yours to get attention which you desperately craved, but watched how it seemed to lose its value the more you used it in this way.

You struggled with your relationships, because you were so afraid of being left again, that you either clung too hard, or never attached at all.

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You watched the way your dad effected every decision you made. 

There was nothing that wasn’t somehow about him.

I know your black hole because I’ve lived it.

I’ve lived those cycles over and over again.

I’ve lived them enough times until I finally learned that daddy issues don’t have to decide your life.

Here is how I changed mine:

  1. ALLOW GOD TO PROVIDE FOR YOU

    Wealth doesn’t come from your father, it comes from God (Universe, Source, etc). Regardless of your father’s willingness to provide for you, God is always there to provide for your needs. The moment I stopped waiting for my dad to take care of me, and started relying on God to take care of me, my life began to be blessed with abundance, security, and safety. You are worthy of a home. You are worthy of food and clothing and shelter. You are worthy to live comfortably.

  2. LET YOUR WORST RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN BECOME THE BEST THING THAT’S HAPPENED TO YOU

You know that ex. The one that reminds you of your dad in every way. Or maybe he was nothing like your father. But he made you feel exactly like your dad did. Unseen, unimportant, ugly. These relationships are blessings in disguise, because we wouldn’t pick men like this if we didn’t still have a lot of work to do. Men become our mirrors, they show us exactly where it hurts. When you make a list of everything this man did to make you feel small, you are left with a list of all of the pieces of yourself you are ready to strengthen. By them not choosing you, you now have a wonderful opportunity to finally learn how to choose yourself.

3. Forgive him. Do it now.

I know it hurts. I know it feels impossible. But you have to forgive your father. All the way. Its the only way. Choosing forgiveness now, doesn’t mean it will happen all at once. It will take time. That’s okay. Be patient with yourself. Even if it takes years, as long as you are choosing forgiveness, it will get easier every day. But to forgive him is the gift of healing you give yourself. Its allowing love to take your pain away, one day at a time. You will have to find more love in your heart than you knew was possible. To choose to see your father as a child, one who never knew the kind of love that you are now capable of, will fill your heart with compassion. If he could love like you could, he never would have let you go.

In the end, your daddy issues will be the best thing that ever happened to you. They will bless you with an unconditional love that heaven itself will envy.

You are the angel that God sent to forgive, and if you can find the light in this darkness, you will illuminate the lives of everyone you meet.

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Rachel Helen1 Comment