Let Love Have It's Way With You

Hi Love,

Can you hear me?

I feel so alive. Recharged and more sure of my path. I was handcuffed to numbness and repression, but now feel set free, and yet with that freedom comes the gift of being fully alive to feel my own pain. The risk that comes with living truly.

The good thing about being yourself is it clarifies who is for you and who is not. I value compassion above all else. For all people, even those I do not understand. Especially those I do not understand, because I have silent whisperings guiding me, reminding me, that it is they who need my compassion most. Mirrors to the pieces of myself I have yet to understand.

Yes, there is a time for justice and punishment, but I think we jump to those feelings too soon. How foolish we are to forget mercy. Mercy is my softness. Her truth is all I am capable of. I think the Universe is wise to wake us up to who we are and I have trust and faith in that. 

And still, it is my own compassion I have been most in need of. How simple it is, once found again. I honor my thoughts and opinions. I honor my human needs, water, food, shelter, sex. These needs are basic, they are all important.

I am spinning in the chaos of what matters most to me. I’ve been here before, and found my victory. So I am afraid, but not too afraid. I know I need more, to awaken me into the full potential of my creative feminine. I need God more than ever, to guide me through this chamber of chaos. God, please, show me the way. I need your peace and safety and pleasure. I know there is more for me. Free me from any piece of me that would claim less. Because I know the walls of my prison are not true.

I feel shivers in my body at the sheer thought of it. But most importantly, I feel water has been poured down on the darkest pieces of my soul. I honor this darkness, always, but choose integrity. The truth is I have lived deeply fearful of my own pleasure. Heartbreak, and terror, they lead me to my downfall. I have clung to safety. Refusing to believe it is possible to have both.

I need it to be different this time. I need words that are warm like butter but drip with sincerity, not echoing silence. Give me no reason to question if those words were just butter, and not home. Why do I need so many kinds of love? When did I get so fractured? Oh yes. To be human, is to forget you are already whole.

What would my life look like, how much pain would dissipate, if I finally let love have its way with me?

I cried for you and you heard me. I cry again. Louder. Asking for more, for everything I have ever prayed for to show up at my door, seeking me. Now that I have found her again, I will never let her go.