Asking for Help Is an Act of Love

I hate asking for help. 

I hate asking for help so much, that I went the last month eating packaged oatmeal and rice, because my new apartment didn't have a refrigerator and I couldn't afford a brand new one.

I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone else by asking them to help me move a used one I found on Craigslist. 

And if the Bishop at church hadn't found out, and asked some gentleman to help move a used fridge for me, I'd be writing this blog post right now holding yet another cup of oatmeal. 

I hate asking for help so much that in high school I slept in my car because my family was fighting and I didn’t want anyone to know that I was afraid to go home.

Rather than ask for help, I felt the plastic seats grow colder as the heat trapped in the car slowly leaked out into the bitter night.

I hate asking for help so much, that a few years ago there was one night that rather than picking up the phone to tell someone I was hurting, I drank a bottle of pills like it was water and went to sleep hoping I would never wake up.

And when I went to the hospital, only one person came and visited.

Because I never told anyone else I was there.

I never asked anyone else to come. 

Asking for help makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. 

I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to inconvenience anyone. I feel like life is stressful enough, that I never want to be the cause of that stress for anyone else.

I hate asking for help, because I seem to always need it. 

Anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, and major depression, are disabilities. And while I’ve grown better over the years at hiding these struggles so as to not inconvenience anyone else, these are issues that at times deeply inconvenience me.

They leave me needing help a lot. Help to reorganize my thoughts. Help to stay calm. Help to cheer up. Help to be confident. Help to focus. Help to have faith. 

I need help all the time, yet I’m the last person to ask for it.

Dealing with chronic pain has caused me to overcorrect, doing anything to avoid being the cause of any degree of discomfort to anyone else. 

On nights when I’ve needed help the most, I’ve called others to see how they are doing. I would rather fly across the country to comfort a friend, then ask someone next door to come over and comfort me. I know this because I’ve done this.

Asking for help makes me feel weak. Because the truth is, I am.

While people say that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is. But that’s the whole point. 

God has given ALL of us weaknesses, so that we can be humbled, and learn to ask for help.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” -Ether 12:27

Humans are weak, we are needy AF.

We cannot survive on our own or we would have learned how to. We are an incredibly adaptive species, yet we still have not evolved past needs for oxygen, food, and water. Babies today, like babies born hundreds of years ago, still die without touch, and I would argue adults do too, just in a different way.

God has given us weaknesses not only that we would come unto Him, but also that we would come unto each other. 

When we depend on someone else, we are giving them an opportunity to serve, we are giving them an opportunity to love.

Our unconditional needs breed unconditional love.

Without our needs, the greatest human emotion of all could not be understood.

We learn of God’s love for us as we endlessly pray and ask for help, and He unconditionally gives to us, blesses us, and answers our prayers.

We learn of our love for each other as we sacrifice for one another, and see others sacrifice for us too. Especially when its inconvenient.

Love is learning how to depend on another, and be depended on.

These days, independence is over-glamorized, and dependency is often confused with co-dependancy. These are not the same thing.

There is a difference between having needs in a relationships, and depending on one relationship to have all of your needs met. Having needs, and depending on another person to help you meet them, is not co-dependancy. Its vulnerability, a necessary ingredient of love.

Co-dependency is relying on someone who cannot help you. Human dependency is asking the right person who can and wants to.

Those who love you, want to help you.

We are born into this world surrounded by love. 

There is not a moment that goes by, that you are not actively loved.

If not by those immediately beside you, than by those who pray for you from across the world. If not by those you’ve already met, than by those you knew before this lifetime, that you’ve yet to meet. 

Ancestors that have passed on are actively loving you. Children you have yet to bear are actively loving you. And a Heavenly Father that helped create you is actively loving you.

Love is always there, waiting for you to notice.

Help is always there, waiting for you to ask.

And asking for that help, 

allowing the opportunity to be shown love,

is in and of itself

an act of love.

If you have been struggling with chronic depression or thoughts of suicide, contact 1-800-273-8255 or visit the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You are not alone.