Let yourself be loved. It's okay.

there are times when faith seems simple. God has a plan and he made you and he loves you so his plan must be good and must be better than what we could have picked on our own.

simple. 

but then real life happens. 

and your faith is tried.

two weeks ago I was working myself into the ground, getting four hours of sleep a night and drowning in stress.  

last week I failed a test I needed to pass to keep my job. I applied to many others and received rejection letters, one after the next. the fear of supporting myself sinking in.

two days ago I awoke on my bathroom floor. I was unconscious for two hours because the pain emanating from my stomach was so intense that my body couldn't stand to feel it anymore. I was shaking and screaming into my towel and puking and praying that it would just go away.

the next day I found out that a friend had been in a car accident and was in a coma.

and today I found out that another friend passed away. 

I have felt myself bending under the pain and the pressure, and I've been waiting to snap.

As I cried and cried last night, I couldn't imagine morning would come. 

But it did. 

It's easy to push people away when you are going through times of trial. It is easy to feel like a burden, or a dark cloud. But as my friend Eric said, "You gotta let yourself be loved. It's ok."

I've held many bruised hearts the last few weeks. I've held friends as they've cried for hours and sent late night texts reminding people they are loved and received late night texts from those who feel alone and afraid. I am not alone in this season of heartache and challenge. 

It feels important to remind myself that there is a purpose in all things. And sometimes really bad things happen and we hurt a lot because it gives us the opportunity to serve and to be served. It gives us the chance to see the outpouring of love we are capable of as we lift others burdens onto our shoulders and carry them as if they were our own. It shows us how a community can come together to offer kindness and wipe each other's tears and bring each other food and pick each other up off the bathroom floor and pull us out of bed at 2pm and offer plans for how we will move forward.

and we will move forward. together. with love and service as our fuel.

so in the winters of your life, when the season calls for sadness, and dark shadows creep into your heart; 

you gotta let yourself be loved. It's okay. 

have faith. 

and remember that morning will come again.