Just Keep Swimming.
I'm a little behind on my Pixar, so tonight I tried to start Finding Dory. I had to turn it off five minutes in, because I was getting emotional and didn't want to feel things. It felt too personal.
It felt personal, because of how easily I get lost. I forget so easily. I am distracted so easily. ADHD is not make believe, its very real. But it's something you have to experience to believe.
If someone had told me they had ADHD, and I didn't know what it was like, I would probably have just thought they were making it up as an excuse.
Lord knows I could use a few excuses.
I currently have 222 unread text messages, 900 unread emails, and 13 voicemails I haven't even listened to. I have laundry on my floor, next to the mail I haven't opened. I have to set alarms throughout the day to remind myself to eat, or to leave for work on time, even if I woke up early. I even got in a car accident yesterday (no I wasn't texting, or even looking at a screen, I was just too deep in thought and not paying attention.)
I've never been more aware at how much I fall short, or more angry with my brain for not being able to handle simple tasks that require basic executive functioning skills. And the worst part is I KNOW that these things are more challenging for me than for some other people. I KNOW this is a weakness I have to overcome, or at least learn to manage. I feel like Dory, who can't seem to remember her own parents, but can't seem to forget that she has short term memory loss.
I KNOW I'M FAILING.
And sometimes I truly don't know what is worse. Disappointing others, or disappointing myself.
But what certainly is the worst, is when I forget that our weaknesses are also our greatest strengths.
Our weaknesses are blessings in disguise. They are opportunities to come closer to God.
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Ether 12.27
We will forget. We will get distracted. We will be late.
We are human.
But if we forget, let it be our laundry and not our love.
If we are distracted, let it be from responding to texts, and not from responding to the person sitting next to us, placed in our path for a purpose.
If we are late, let us be late to a concert or a meeting, and not late to ask for help or an ear to listen when we are overwhelmed.
It is okay to not have it all together all the time. It is okay to be weak, messy, or awkward.
But it is not okay to give up.
