I'm not a Mormon Anymore, but I'm still a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I've strayed away from writing about religion for a while. When you don't seem to fit any polarized extreme you tend to stand alone, and feel alone. Not seeing through the same lens as many of my Mormon contemporaries, and also seeing the world so differently from my Mormon friends who have left the church entirely, I've sometimes felt like there's no place for me at all. I've needed time to find that place. 

I'm not a Mormon anymore, I don't identify with that word at all actually. But this isn't some coming of age story about how I've left the Mormon church. I am still very much so a member, believer, and active participant in the same church I was baptized in when I was 8. I love going to church. But it seems that we've forgotten that "The Mormon Church" was once referred to by its original and true name "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints." Because of our book of scripture called "The Book of Mormon" (Mormon being the name of the collector and editor of stories contained within the book,) people started calling us Mormons. And somewhere along the way we adopted that title for ourselves. For a church that loves to stand apart from the rest of the world, it's interesting how easily we let them name us.

Perhaps with accepting this name, we've at times distanced ourselves from being true disciples of Christ. With this name, came a sometimes sickening and possibly even life-threatening subculture called "Mormon culture."

A culture that isn't centered on Christ at all. A culture of "Did you go to church today?" A culture of skirt measuring and a culture where people deeply in love will break up with each other because the guilt of even just kissing too long destroyed their mutual affection. A culture that shames porn addicts so deeply they have no where else to turn to for solace other than porn.  A culture that has made LGBTQ people feel confused and unloved. A culture that says "We know it all, we've got the right way, follow us or be fearful for your eternity." 

A culture I could never claim to be apart of, I could never truly belong in.

Because the gospel and teachings of Christ that my spirit learned, and knows, and feels, are teachings of unconditional love. 

Christ invited people to come unto Him. He didn't shame them into doing so. He would never bribe someone into going to BYU or serving a mission with a new car. Christ didn't care what you wore, He walked with Lepers. Christ said to the adulteress "Go and sin no more." He never said "Go feel guilty for six-twelve months and then I'll forgive you." 

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ, we should be the first to remember that Christ is perfect. He knows all. He feels the touch of a single soul in a crowd. He calls the little children by their name. He is the way, and through knowing Christ we can come to a knowledge that we weren't created by an all loving creator to just live in a world of fear. Christ's atonement, His perfect selfless death gave us the power to conquer all that we may fear.

There is more to the story though. 

Despite our human error and imperfections, the gospel and teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are certainly and fundamentally some of the most beautiful theologies that exist. No thought is more touching, personal, and believable than the idea that we do not just have earthly parents, but also Heavenly parents. And what we call God is not just a cosmic force of space but rather a parent of our spiritual DNA. Our entire world denotes that something more is at place than just science, and that something else is love. And that love is from God. God meaning both father and mother. Uncontainable and unconditional.

Our human family is more than that, we are spiritual family. We are brothers and sisters. We are not mortal, we are eternal. 

And while we might be trying to become like God, on a path of self growth and learning, we are also MADE of God. That divinity is imprinted in the parts of our beings that we cannot see just by quickly glancing at one another. 

And this is a universal truth.

"Namaste" means that 'the divinity in me recognizes the divinity in you.' Light recognizes light. And across every culture and walk of life this divinity is acknowledged. Truth is found in patterns, this cannot be coincidence. We must in fact be more than just cells and water and proteins.   And what we are is spirit children, here to grow and learn and play and hurt. 

And the church I attend is one that nurtures that spirit child. It teaches of the truest joy that comes from the love within families. It teaches that sex was made for our spirits to connect and bond, not a tool for us to numb ourselves or recreate when there is nothing good on TV. It teaches of the joys of living a clear and haze free life of sobriety, being truly conscious and connected to those around us.  It teaches of service and selflessness. Charity and long suffering. It provides a community of people you can meet all over the world who are all striving for the same goal of growing their relationship with God. Its message is truly a safe haven of light. 

We are told how loved we are, how important our time here on earth is, how each of us came here for a reason and purpose, how God knows us personally, how we all have our agency to become whomever we want, and how we can heal and truly find peace when others use their agency to damage us.

The gospel won't cause us to falter, it is our foolish and fearful interpretation of it. It is our need to be perfect all on our own, when in fact Christ is the one who took the responsibility of perfecting us. 

Our teachings are a container that can protect us from the storms of darkness in which our world lives in. We can have a path and direction in a world that will offer your future baby boy cocaine when he is just 15. A world that will tell your daughter she might as well sell her body because it's all she's good for anyways. 

But that darkness can also enter our container at times too.

And that happens when we focus too much on containers and not enough on their true contents. We focus so much on labels and separation and rules that we forget that Christ's first commandment was just to love.

That was it. Love God, and do so very simply by loving his children. 

Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ is not easy. It might be full of pure light and truth, it might even be God's favorite church, but it is still operated here on earth by humans.  And it is still being practiced and followed by humans.  

And speaking as a very experienced human, we are prone to make a lot of mistakes. A lot.

But despite that, I have faith. I have faith that God is preparing a way for each of us to return to Him. I have faith that the church I belong to can offer that path for me. I also have faith that God loves me more than I've ever loved anything, and has that love for every one of His creations no matter what they believe. I have faith that Joseph Smith truly was an inspired man. But I also have faith that when its time to pick out a mansion in heaven, there's going to be enough room for my Catholic friends and my Buddhist friends and my friends of all sexual orientations, races, religions, disabilities, colors, professions, and classes. Even my friends that didn't believe they'd still be existing at all.

And I won't lie, I can't wait to see their face if it turns out I was right.

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