diary of a homewrecker

I've been the other woman too many times to count. I have a thing for "the chase," and when you go for someone who is already taken, it is the ultimate chase. There is always a rush, always excitement, you are always on your toes. I love it. I love the thrill. The only problem is that for every high, there is a crushing low. You've hopped on a roller coaster that doesn't seem to have any breaks. And as a self-proclaimed dirty home wrecker, I am incredibly familiar with the ride.

I should clarify though, the men i've chased who were taken, were not taken by another woman, they were in love with themselves. They were in incredibly committed relationships with their own mind, heart, and body. 

Here are some signs that the object of your affection is already taken, and is in a relationship with themselves:

1. They don't ask questions.

The conversations are always stilted and a little awkward, and you can't figure out why, until one day you realize that they've hardly asked you anything about yourself at all. 

2. They make empty promises.

They paint a beautiful picture of a future together, but it's never specific or measurable. It's a whole lot of "some days" and "maybes." 

3. They speak in excuses.

They are always too tired or too busy. I mean I get it, people get busy, we are all busy. But unless you are busier than a single mom working two jobs, I think you have enough time to be a decent human being. Here is the "not so secret" secret: people make time for what is most important to them. 

4. Convenience is key.

They'll call you, but only at the end of the day when they've already gotten their daily gym selfie in and all of their buddies are out with their significant others. You hear from them only when they have nothing better to do. 

5. You are a means to get off.

If you aren't going to put out, they aren't interested. If you do let them kiss you (or whatever your version of putting out is) they are over you as soon as they are done with you. 

So how does it happen? Well let me walk you through the stages of the affair:

1. Harmless Flirtation

You find yourselves connecting, and suddenly you have all of the symptoms of a fat crush. You can't sleep, you can't focus, you can only think about them. What started out harmless, escalates quickly. 

2. The Convincing Stage

You might see some red flags going off, but you are quickly distracted by the beautiful words and the empty promises. They stage vulnerability, they stage emotion. You are the audience of a one man performance. 

4. Exposure

You realize you are a fool, but you are already in too deep. 

5. The Games

You begin to notice that you are going to have to step up your game if you are going to compete with his or her own reflection. This is when your crazy side jumps in the drivers seat.

6. The Brutal End

This is usually the longest stage of the affair, seeing that affairs are already over as soon as they begin. There is no happy ending. This stage takes the longest, because the moment you begin to pick up the pieces of your dignity, they will drag you back in. You had dreams, things you wanted to do with your life, and now you are the doormat they wipe their shoes off on as they walk in their homes to the one who truly has their heart: themselves. Finally, it ends, either by their hand or yours. It's over, but the healing process has only just begun.

7. The Tragic Aftermath

At this point, your personal life is a mess and any self confidence you once had has gone up in flames. You have to rebuild yourself from scratch. You tend to your wounds and wait for the scars to fade.

Why would anybody choose this you ask? Well I can only speak from personal experience. Being the other woman to a handful of self-interested narcissists (harsh but true), is the result of low self-esteem and immaturity. There. I said it. I've been insecure and immature. I've been one of the bimbos drooling over Gaston, when I should have been Belle kissing her slightly hairy but secretly handsome Beast. 

And I'm done. 

I'm done settling. 

And I invite you to ask yourself, are you settling? If you are, it's time to stop.

We accept the love we believe we deserve, right? Well I am here to tell you, that you deserve so much more.

You deserve to be told you are beautiful. You deserve someone who cooks for you, someone who tucks you in at night. You deserve forehead kisses. And lip kisses with someone who will call you again. You deserve good morning texts. You deserve to feel loved. You deserve kindness. You deserve to laugh until you cry, not cry while someone else is laughing. You deserve all of the above, or whatever else it is that you are into.

I asked myself for the longest time: Why? Why do I deserve any of that?

I think it's time I start asking myself a more productive question: Why the hell not?

In the mean time, I think I am going to stop being the other woman, and start being the woman. A woman who respects herself enough to know when to walk away, and when to stay.

Homewrecker Out.